- [voiceover] are you tired of livingthe same old comfortable life? don't you want to go on an adventure anddiscover some new, hidden, secret surprises? isn't it about time to addsome style to your life? well every airlines you'll never livethe same old comfortable life again... because it's impossibleto get comfortable! you'll discover surprise, aftersurprise the moment you show up, thanks to our hidden fees, and in terms of adding style to your life, we makesure that every single one of our customers, are fashionably late, thanks to:
delays hi, i'm ryan higa, and here at every airlines we'vealways believed that your experience flying, should not just be good, not just great, not even just an all-around,amazing experience... so that's what we do. - our motto here at every airlines,has always been just that, even though you paid for this flight,(chuckles) we never work for you. we're gonna be as rude andcondescending as we want.
- kinda like a dj you know? push a couple buttons, have a couple sips, before you know it we're there! pay me. - so we got this game, right? it's kindalike the mini-olympics but, with bags. you take a luggage, but it has tohave that little, red sticker on it. rather than placing it down nicely,we shot put it onto the plane, and if we hear anything brokenor anything in pieces, then you lose!
though, it's for fun, but it also makes us becareful with everyones' "frag-iley" stuff. - one of my pet peeves are when people ask for things,but we take customer service very seriously here. so immediately after we'refinished doing what we're doing like gossiping and taking anap, or eating our food... well not the customers' food -the good food. heh, heh. we go over to the customerand politely say: "what?" - sometimes we like to do this thing uphere, we turn the entertainment system all the way down so when the passengersput their headphones on, they turn it up.
they can't even hear anything, and thenout of nowhere, i pick up the pa and (microphone feedback)- [voiceover] this is your captain speaking. scare the s*** outta them. - but even with our incredible staff, every airlines wouldn't be what it istoday without the help of all of you: our loyal every airlines members. who show up to almost every single flight. from the parents who ignoretheir screaming kids member, to the angry businessman shouting onhis cellphone for the whole plane to hear,
to the guy who didn'tlearn shapes as a kid, to the armrest hugger, the leg spreader, the guy who sits window, buthas to pee every 20 minutes, the overly friendly guy who talks the wholeflight despite seeing you trying to sleep even the guy who's constantly farting,thinking we don't know it's him. and even though we have fun hereat every airlines, we always take your safety very seriouslywith our newly updated: "honest safety demonstration video."
- [voiceover] hello, and welcome toevery airlines, this is your safety demonstration video which none ofyou are actually going to listen to, but we're going to do it anyway,so that you don't sue us. there four emergency exits on this aircraft, inthe unlikely event of surviving a plane crash, a life vest is located in a pouchunderneath your seat. but, so is the luggage of the guy sittingbehind so you, so you probably won't have access to it in the eventof a change in air pressure, an oxygen mask willautomatically appear in front of you. if you don't already know howto put on a mask and breathe,
chances are you're notgoing to survive anyway. if you are traveling with a child orsomeone who requires assistance, be sure to apply your mask firstbecause your life is more important. #priority. we remind you that this is anon-smoking flight, as compared to all the other smoking flightsthat you have taken. you will find this, and all other safety information in thecard located between the vomit bag with gum in it and our dirty complimentary magazine that'sheld together by children's boogers, located underneath the traytable, that we don't clean.
if you have any other questions, please hesitateto ask a flight attendant, it's a real bother to the conversation that we're having in the back. "thank you, and have a safe flight." ...is what you should be saying tous, for letting you join us today. you're welcome. (loudspeaker feedback) - so what are you waiting for? bookyour flight with every airlines today, - [voiceover] still don't believe us? well check out these satisfiedcustomers showing us their thumbs.
- yeah, we may be a little dirty, - delayed, - expensive, - annoying, - careless, - all-around just awful, - but like we always sayhere at every airlines... what other choice do you have? - [everyone] whoooo!
- [voiceover] every airlines:
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