android 17 [off-screen]: "-folks i'm android 13, look at mah trucker hat!" gero: i was going through a phase! android 18 [o-s]: well, let's say we open them up and get to know our new friend? gero: don't you dare! i am your master and you will do what i say! 17: i- i'm sorry, could you repeat that? i think the ear thing's back. gero: i said, i am your master! and you will do what i-
17: sorry, doc... gero: guuaaggh...! 17: ...just following orders. gero: so... ...could one of you possibly spare one of those senzu- krillin [o-s]: so, does this mean they're on our side? trunks [o-s]: yaaaaagh! [explosion in background] gero: well, guess it's a good thing i backed myself up into this supercomputer.
have to thank wheelo for that. now, what to do with the twins going rogue... how is progress with plan b? that's another seventeen years out at least. [sigh] well, guess it's time for plan c... chi-chi: touch those thai silk curtains and i'll turn one of those hoop earrings into a septum ring! gohan: wow. mom sure is set on filling up korin and yajirobe's wedding registry. goku: but why do they need six crock pots?
and why all these (delicious-looking) bath bombs? i don't even think they have a bathroom! korin always just told me to go over the side. [explosion and screams] ???: excuse me, pardon me, coming through, watch the suit. man, everyone acting a fool... like they've never seen a purple dwarf before. *static* ???: i know, right?! racist as shit.
goku [mouth full]: man, shopping makes me hungry! gohan [deadpan]: really, shopping makes you hungry? only shopping? goku: mmhmm. speaking of, how'd your search go, guys? krillin: not great. turns out master roshi is banned from over five hundred victoria's secret locations. i don't get it, how are you not on some kind of a list? "master roshi":you think "master roshi" is my real name? gohan: doesn't victoria's secret specialize in *women's* underwear? why would korin and yajirobe-
-oh... -oh...ooooooh. but which one wears them? ???: so whaddya think? ???: nah. but we can. gohan: hey, so, not to point out the obvious, but, the restaurant is shaking. goku: huh? ehh... gohan: aww, crapbask-krillin: aww, crapbask-trunks: aww, crapbask-
chi-chi: why can't we go anywhere as a group without something blowing up? goku: probably not my fault this time, maybe... terrorists! wait, i can't sense them... androids! androiderists! terroroids! guys, we got a bad case of terroroids! gohan: c'mon, mom!
chi-chi: no! one of the crock pots! goku: so, you guys aren't orgasmic... who are you? red ribbon? i mean, you've got it on your red red ribbon ribbon... ...but, you know what they say about assuming: it makes an ass out of you and ming. ???: scan complete. this guy's dumb as bricks. [static]
goku: say wha..? ???: oh right, your unrefined meatbag ears probably don't understand him. he's introducing himself as android 14. i am android 15. and you... and you...are goku. goku: aaaaahhhh! android 15: and now you're dead! ok, *rude*!
trunks: goku! move! goku: oh, right. trunks: you know, maybe we shouldn't do this here. goku: ooh! ooh! i know a place! gohan: krillin, we should go after them! krillin: should we? gohan: yes! krillin: okay, but must we?
gohan: well, you can come with me, or, you can stay here with my mom. chi-chi: aaaaaaaaagh! krillin: we must! we must!chi-chi: aaaaaaaaagh! gero: update complete. now activating number 13... android 13 [in a deep south accent]: mighty kind o' you, doctor. gero: for crying out loud, we just finished patching that! 13: doc, you can't fix what ain't broke!
now... now...where's my trucker hat? [banjo version of "imperial march" plays] trunks: no offense goku, but... ...why the arctic? goku: what? you're fine, you've got a jacket. trunks: well yeah, but there are more deserts than we can count, and you chose the arctic! goku: uh, y-you got a jacket... 15: my database says:
15: my database says:you's a bitch! trunks: i doubt that's what it actually sa- trunks: i doubt that's what it actually sa-agh! [grunting] goku: trunks! your jacket is weighing you down! huh? wah! [grunts] trunks: hey goku,
if and when we make it out of this, please don't tell my father there were two more androids. 13 [o-s]: uh, to be fair, you'd'a been wrong anyway... 13 [o-s]: uh, to be fair, you'd'a been wrong anyway...'cause there's three! trunks: aaaauugh! 13: howdy, there! i'm android 13. look at mah trucker hat. goku: look-y trunks! more 'roids. trunks: you're kidding me!
are there any more of you that we don't know about? 13: nah, just us... ...plus the green one in the sub-lab. trunks: enough! i have had it with these monkey-fighting androids, in this monday-to-friday timeline! aaauugh! 13: well son, looks like thirteen is your unlucky number. goku: i don't believe in stuperstitions!
13 [incredulous]: ...how in the blazes did gero have so much trouble killing you? goku: i'm very stubborn. 13: hmm. goku: oh hey, he's actually really strong. waaahhh! [underwater] waaahhhhh 13: careful, son! you might catch a death of cold! goku: catch *this* cold! 13: my trucker hat!
ya plum done gone daggone did it now, son. goku: who and the wha- aaaaahhhh! (ah.) (hope trunks is having better luck.) trunks: hi-yah! aw, why did i even bring this?! (wait, why did i bring this?) (we were shopping before-)
augh! 15: a'ight 14, give it back. trunks: [startled squeal] yah! ya can't dodge my t.h. deathbomb! goku: does the "t.h." stand for- 13: trucker hat, yes! goku: not my first guess. waugh!
gero: yes! yes! this is my moment! oh, what now!? wuh? awakened evil: for thousands of years, i laid dormant! who has disturbed my- goku: hey, best buddy! vegeta: oh, it's you. explain, idiot.
trunks: no no no! goku: we found three more androids. trunks: da-a-mmit! vegeta: three whole androids, huh? pretty sure that makes *eight*. hmm, never letting the boy live this one down. 13: well, if it ain't the prince! good day, your majesty! i'd tip my hat to ya,
but i lost it! vegeta: look, i'm a little late to the game here, what's your deal? 13: see here, the kind dr. gero deemed us, in his own words, "defective." leaving us on the proverbial shelf until, well... ...he gone plum run outta options. goku: so, what's your detective? 13: he could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones,
13: he could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular, 13: he could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular,and my particular method of... 13: he could not quite tolerate my dulcet tones, my choice in vernacular,and my particular method of...ar-ti-cu-lation. goku: also, you talk funny. what 'bout him? vegeta: alright, but what about the small one? is it 'cause he's purple? 13: okay, racist, if ya must know; it's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.
15 [o-s]: hey, it's only a problem when i run out! 13: we don't like to talk about it. now! i believe we have some business to attend to! id est, layin' three corpses upon this here glacier. 14! 15! 15: you got it, boss man! you forget you saw this.
13: round two, fleshlightsâ„¢! trunks: [grunts] krillin: so, we just needed to be here didn't we? gohan: yeah, ok... krillin: couldn't even stop for a jacket! just had to *beeline* it for the arctic. gohan: ok, krillin, i get it! we're not helping. i just... ...needed some space from my mom.
krillin: eh, it's all right. wanna have a snowball fight? gohan: probably not a good time... krillin: no, no, you-you're right. vegeta: aaaaaahhhh! ooophh! hey! wanna see something cool?! 15: yeah, ok.
vegeta: yeeaaaaaauuuughh.... ...yaaaaaaauuuugh! trunks: (oh right.) (super saiyan.) aaaaaauuuuugh! goku: oh, right... super saiyan. gaaaaauugh! gero: oh shit...
gero: oh shit...super saiyan. gaaaaaaahhh! gohan: uh, why did it take them so long to do that? krillin: you know, i stopped asking that question a long time ago. vegeta: so, are you ready to die, android? are- are you- does that even do anything for you? 15: not anymore...
oh, god! krillin: that's right goku, send him back to arkansas! 13 [o-s]: it's pronounced "ar-kansas", ya idjit. gohan: and consider my pet peeved! gohan: piccolo, help! holy cow, that worked! 2nd awakened evil: for thousands of years, i laid dormant! who has disturbed my- piccolo: oh hey, goku, what's up?
goku: androids. piccolo: neat! mind if i take a spin? 13: ah ah ah hoo hooooo! goku: ah, 'cause you spun him around. 13 [o-s]: ow! goku: clever. piccolo: thanks, i was practicing that one under the ice for the last half- you know what, never mind. 13: now, i don't mean to make this about your color or your race,
but you'd better hightail it out of here before you get hurt, boy. piccolo: you know, it feels like it's about *both* those things when you end it with the word "boy". 15: c'mon short-stack. that the best you got? ha haa! super saiyan or not, you're still just a- bitch! did you just throw a mothaf***in do- [static] vegeta: looks like the countdown's just about over you redneck... uhhh... trunks: hey guys! i did that thing again where i slice my opponent in two and they don't react until-
vegeta: i did it first, you're not special! trunks [o-s]: b-but you don't even have a sword... 13: 14 and 15 have been destroyed?! goooood! piccolo: i feel like we should be stopping this. goku: nah, i want a good fight! krillin: he's 'roiding out! gero [o-s]: excellent. android 13 has reached his ultimate, final, pinnacle form!
unstoppable! blue! and completely taciturn. super android 13: hurrrgh! gero [o-s]: perfect! goku: vegeta, he stole your 'do! vegeta: i'll kill him! ah! oh no...
[screaming] trunks: i got you fath-aahh! vegeta: hahahahahahaha. [grunt] idiot. someone stupid get in my way! krillin: what the--? kami and nail: boom-chika-ah boom-chicka-ah
boom-boom-boom-boom green d- piccolo: (what are you doing?) kami: (we're trying to amp you up!) piccolo: (well, it's distracting!) all: (oh shit mothaf*cka!) goku: my turn! gero: weakness... identified! 13: hurrgh!
goku: hey, what are ya- -agh!! [fading echo] [several years later...] gohan: all right, goten, it's your job to chuck these as hard as you can so i can be all trained up to face off against dad in the tournament! now stand behind that line and- goten? (what was i doing here?)
[...back to the present] goku: aaaaaaaaugh- [faint screeching] [high pitched] he punched me in the dick! why?! why did he punch me in the dick?! vegeta [snarky]: not so funny now, is it, kakarot? krillin: is goku gonna be okay? vegeta: get the f*** off me!
goku: n-now i know what you're thinki- auuugh! and the answer may surpri- (aw man...) eeeeeee! gohan: hey! why don't you pick on someone your own size? ehhh... well, clearly not me. (welp, if you can't beat 'em...) (bomb 'em.)
eh, maybe one of those battleball players? i mean, not that i watch sports, i havebetter things to do with my life. i feel like this is a one-sided conversation. [growling] gero [o-s]: 13, if you'd kindly turn around ,and eliminate son goku... 13: rrraugh! gohan: dad, no! bbluuauugh! goku: good job, son!
gero [o-s]: hmm, unexpected, but not altogether unpleasant. let's try again shall w-? goku: ow! vegeta: nobody is killing that idiot but me! goku [o-s]: aw, you *do* care. gero [o-s]: agh, fine, finish off vegeta, then son goku. [squeak] [vegeta screaming]
narrator: and that's when the prince realized that when you grab a bull by the horns, sometimes, he'll take you for a ride. {thwack}[vegeta screaming] goku: keep it up guys! you're doing great! gero [o-s]: yes, good, now hurry up and get back to so- oh my non-existent god! trunks: hey! you big blue bastard! i'm a time traveler from 17 years in the future. and you don't exist there. you know why?
well, besides multiverse theory, it's because you die, right here, by my sword! narrator: and that's when the time traveler realized that his sword was about as useless... ...as a screen door on a submarine. [trunks screaming] [whistling mahna mahna] gero [o-s]: good! great! now stop playing around with the rabble and focus your efforts on killing so- gero [o-s]: good! great! now stop playing around with the rabble and focus your efforts on killing so--n of a whore! narrator: and that's when the green man realized that when you suplex a robot, you better...
oh, what the hell am i doing? *footsteps receding* [super android 13 babbling] krillin: oh right.. spirit saiyan... what? gero [o-s]: kill son goku! kill son goku! kill son goku before it's too late! [goku screaming] gero [o-s]: oh, this bodes poorly...
jesus christ!!!!!!! narrator: and that's when the robot realized that he was as dead as a... robot. because robots are technically not alive by the traditional definition of- d'these people even give a damn anymore? [scoffs] i swear they stopped tryin' after season 2. [super android 13 screaming] [explosion]
master roshi: heeellloooo nurse! krillin: man, catching vegeta really f***ed my shit up! how about you, goku? you seem fine. goku: yup! senzu beans healed my nuts up good! chi-chi: thank god. krillin: hey hey, that's great! so, you got any to share? goku: i kinda needed a few... trunks: i'm glad you're all fine, but it does concern me that there are apparently more androids out there.
krillin: actually, i had a thought about that. gero: well, that was a total bust. i suppose i'll just continue nursing plan b. what's another 17 years? i'm not going anywhere. [krillin talking in distance] wait, what is that noi- krillin: wow! danger will robinson. gero [o-s]: oh, *no*...! *violin outtro*
*now with banjo* piccolo: is it over? vegeta: not 'til the fish jumps. [piccolo clears his throat] [vegeta clears his throat] piccolo: soo... ...what were you doing in the arctic? vegeta: what were you doing in the arctic? piccolo: i don't have a place to live, what's your excuse?
vegeta: look green man, if you must know, i was just trying to find a place where i can be alone for a littlebit and have some "me time." turns out, the arctic wasn't the best solution. piccolo: yeah, it would, uh, seem that way. vegeta: yeah, yeah, it would. piccolo: so what do you do for fu-? fish: fin! piccolo: oh, i get it. vegeta: it's 'cause he's a fish. 13: well now, that sure was a doozy of a movie.
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